I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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