This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
