Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
