Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
