there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
