Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
