is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
