I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
