Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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