just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
