I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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