This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
