If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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