I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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