You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
