Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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