in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
