I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I touched a dick in church today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
