you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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