When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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