Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
