im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ttyl tear gas
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
