Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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