I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
