you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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