My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
