Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
