Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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