It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
