just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
