The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
