I can tuck mytits in my pants
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
