seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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