At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
