I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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