update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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