Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
