It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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