I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
