we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
