2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize