I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
