kristin has been a bad kristin
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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