She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
