So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
