I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to make out with him forever
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
