I wish they made helmets for livers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
