clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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