i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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