i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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