i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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