how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
