I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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