please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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