I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
