We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
