just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
