well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
