Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
