My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
