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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any booze?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.

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• (310): View more from California

  This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life

  (562): View more from California

  Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares

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• (845): View more from New York

  If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth

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• (518): View more from New York

  I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.

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