Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
