Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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