This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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