the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
