I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
