dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize