You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
