Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
