And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
