so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
