I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
