Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize