How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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