Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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