No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Your penis caused this!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
