I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
