I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
