He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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