I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
