I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
