he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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