I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
