I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
