My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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